When Do You Stop?

I have a friend, a good friend, we've been friends for over ten years now. In those ten years I have watched my friend go through a lot, a whole lot. It started our freshman year in college with the death of her grandfather with whom she was very close, it was almost impossible to get her up to go to class. Shortly after or perhaps before but I am pretty sure right after she met her husband. He is a different kind of guy, the kind of guy that is fun to hang out with, but does stuff that you aren't always comfortable with, but at the same time you find yourself almost drawn in by him because he is really a nice guy deep, deep, deep down inside. He is a guy that has a lot of emotional baggage that he never dealt with and it has always shown. My friend married him after having a child with him and being together for a little over four years. She has issues too, everyone does, she has baggage that would fill my car in a heartbeat, but who doesn't? She isn't perfect, nor do I expect her to be, I understand her for the most part, I feel I know her better than anyone and sometimes I feel as if I don't know her at all. I could fill this whole blog with the stuff we have been through together, from all her family issues to the healing of those family issues, boy/men issues, children, marriage, mistakes, things she shouldn't have done but I have always been there, always. I have been there to pick up the pieces in the middle of the night, after a long trip just to turn around to make a five hour trip round trip to pack her stuff once again to move her into my parent's house until she got on her feet, she makes another life screw up there too, but I don't love her any less for it. I have been there for stuff that I normally would blow other people off for, I have spent weekends/weeks/days/nights at her house helping her out with her children, cleaning, running errands, giving diapers, formula, baby food, wipes, clothing before I could even think about the possibility of doing these things for my own children because my children weren't even a thought at the time. Do I feel like I have been a good friend, without a doubt, I am not giving myself a pat on the back for doing what every good friend would do, I am not complaining, 89% of me wants to run to her rescue again, but then the other part of me doesn't want to, I don't want to be the one to pick up all the pieces again, but then again I don't want to leave her hanging, after all who would pick up the pieces? Who would piece everything back together on the outside, I know it is up to her to fix all the inside stuff. I want to go and take her kids for the day so she can have some time to herself just to be...just to cry/scream/breakdown/relax/just be but something is holding me back. I am not sure what it is, perhaps it is because we have been down this road before perhaps because it feels so very familiar maybe part of me doesn't know if it is real this time as much as I want it to be real and to be over I just have doubt. After several affairs she is finally ending her marriage with him, two kids later and a whole lot of drama she is ending it. I am so proud of her, but at the same time it breaks my heart to see her go through it all. Lately when we talk I find myself at a complete loss for words, what do you say? There is nothing to say, there are no words. I want to send her my gift card to Wal-Mart to buy groceries with it, I want to send her my ten dollars I have left each month out of my paycheck and send it to her for food or whatever she may need. I want to pick up all the pieces and make it pretty again, at least the illusion of pretty I guess. My only question is now, when do you stop picking up the pieces? Do you stop? As a friend do you just stop? Do you set them out on their own and say, I am here for support but I can't be your crutch, I can't make it nice for you this time. Would I want someone to do that to me? No, but if it were going to make me a better person I would be grateful later. After hearing that things get worse and worse for her because of him each day, and especially after tonight when all I want to do is go get her kids for the next few months and have them here to be safe and to hopefully let them feel a sense of "normal"-do you act on it? Do you volunteer your weekends to help? I have done that before, before I had my own children, while I was pregnant-both times, and of course in the last year. Is it enabling or just being a good friend? These are things I don't have the answers to, I don't think anyone has the answer, I think you give as much as you can give and you do it without expecting a return-I do admit at times when it got hectic I would question if she would drop everything she was doing to do the same for me...sadly, I always think no, but I kept going anyway. Part of me is to be a giving person, I like to give people what I can when I can whether it is just a listening ear or material things, I just like for people to know that I really care about them. I guess I just answered my own question, you don't stop giving maybe you have to give in a different sense but you don't stop, you don't give up on the people you love and care about the most even when you know things are the way they are because of bad choices, you know if she is trying to fix it why not be her supports while she builds her new life? Supports, not crutch. I can't make it pretty for her but I can help with the base coat.

A Moment

On Thursday I was teaching my heart out trying to make something boring interesting, personally I felt we had beat poor Paul Revere into the ground all over again. I pretty much was reviewing what we learned, but I had a question...one question....one that no one had the answer to but I KNOW we talked about extensively in class. I love that the one student whose parents think I am too hard, who think that because their daughter pulled a B in science is being too challenged, that the same kid that said science was too hard earlier this year just pounded out detailed answers to the questions I asked her earlier that day because we were talking about "the challenge of third grade science" over material that she actually learned instead of crammed for to pass the test, we haven't talked about that particular subject matter in two months, anyway, this kid that is being too challenged not only said the answer got to her feet and shouted the answer causing me to get so excited I actually screamed YES! YES! YES! You got it, you figured it out, you are THINKING! YES! I screamed so loud I actually saw three girls cover their ears. That my friends is a moment that is worth tucking away in my happy memory file from this school year. I think I just might e-mail her mom before going to bed to tell her about her daughter's achievements for the day.

Catch Up

In eighth grade we would have a day every now and then that said "Ketchup" on the board, if you were all caught up on your work then you could pretty much color all period if you weren't then you used that time to...you guessed it "Ketchup." I thought I would do a brief catch up...just in case you missed me posting.

Last weekend I went to Dandridge & Pigeon Forge, TN for my grandfather's wedding. Seventy-two and getting married...again. I left Friday morning with my parents & returned to an upside down not a thing in the right place house. The boys stayed with Nick's mom & step-dad while he worked on Saturday, so their bags and things were all over the house. I had to be a big girl about it and not say a word. It was hard, very hard, especially Monday morning when I had to pack lunches and track down bottles and underwear for Rhino, it was absolutely insane, but I stayed in a good mood.(Did I fail to mention the house looked AWESOME Friday morning when I left?)

This week has been pretty busy, Nick left Monday night to go to Mississippi for the week and it was just the boys and myself all week. Overall, it was a good week, not too shabby, busy but good.

We have been growing Rhino's hair out and the other morning I threw on a hat I purchased at a yard sale over a year ago and I had to take the time to snap a picture.

He has tired boy eyes and wouldn't stand still but I thought his hair was cute sticking out of his hat.

Yesterday, I was talking to Nick on the phone on his way home while changing Roo's diaper after work and noticed a bunch of bumps that looked like bug bites but were so random and clustered together randomly there was no way it was a bug. I thought it was odd. Natalie dropped off Alex while her husband took her to the airport for her big girls away weekend, I mentioned it to her then, but didn't think much more of it. The boys:

(Did you just think three men in a tub?)

So after the kids bath, I noticed it had moved to his cheek. Then as I was talking to Kevin, Natalie's husband, when he came to get Alex I was like do you think these are bug bites? I told him I didn't think they were and he said he thought they might be bug bites. About that time Nick walks in from MS, and I was like well while he is naked check this out, do you think it is bites, I don't. He said he has chicken pox, that is what that is, can't you tell? I insisted they weren't chicken pox, but it has been years since I have seen anyone with chicken pox, so I didn't totally rule that out. This really bothered me for the next thirty minutes, no one has had chicken pox, I thought he was having an allergic reaction to his antibiotic that he has been on for his ear infections. Well LONG, LONG, LONG story short after talking to a nurse & pediatrician, my parents, consulting a friend, talking to the nursery worker, and the internet it was determined it was an allergic reaction (he had been on the medicine for nine days). We went to the doctor today and sure enough that is the final diagnosis, so we opted for the shot of steroids & new antibiotic to see if it will clear him up. Just in case you are wondering the paramedic in the house insisted I was wrong and that an allergic reaction is immediate and can't be delayed, but after I talked to my parents about MY allergic reaction to the same medicine over 20 years ago and my dad said it was days after I had started the medication he was a little more willing to at least think about the possibility and after reading on the internet and talking to the nurse & doctor last night he was ready to admit he was wrong, but of course he didn't say those words, he said, I just learned something new. (That sounds hateful and mean but really isn't meant to be...but I just get to sit back and say I was right, I was right!-there is friction in this house when it comes to medicine because Nick went to school to learn about a lot of drugs and works with it so he is supposed to know it all, according to him.) :) Here is what he looked like tonight:

Yes, that is a Pull Up on my 1 year old...we were at the doctor's office waiting and he pooped, I had no diapers or diaper bag. Rhino just happened to have three wipes and a Pull Up in his bag from school-thank goodness!
Apparently this doesn't bother him too much! I am just glad we know what is wrong with that kid, it doesn't appear to itch so that is good, I just can't wait to see him with no more hives.

On a happier note, we had a blast with Mr. Alex last night, he is a cutie all the way! He and Rhino played for a long time (together Nat-finally-they weren't just in the same room playing) in Rhino's room. They ate dinner together and then played again while I cleaned the kitchen. Everyone helped clean up Rhino's room before the bath and then Kevin came to pick Alex up during bath time. Luckily, we were able to play a little longer because Kevin let Alex hang out with us for a little while. I didn't tell Rhino that Alex was coming until right before he showed up, he said, "We will have three brothers tonight! That will be exciting!" Here are some more pictures from dinner & bath time, no playtime pictures because I had to cook & clean while they played, I know, I know you are disappointed but when you are home alone with three kids you have to get it all done right when you can.

I made Mickey Mouse pancakes just for Alex.

An Art Filled Morning

I am missing my camera right now...my new camera phone sucks!

This morning we used glitter pens on a huge piece of paper. We were covered in glitter, so the boys took a bath. I had to get the perfect purple water, but I added too much coloring so it looked like Grape Kool Aid. We decided to finger paint. (I stole that idea from Natalie). I have wanted Andrew to finger paint for a while now, so it was the perfect time. You can paint, clean your fingers (Ryan asked for a brush because he doesn't like things on his hands) and clean your brush, clean your canvas to start all over, and then clean yourself all at the same time. Since I still don't have my camera back from my mom's here are some crappy phone pictures of our bath painting this morning.

Look at that...I forgot. I was going to post about something, sat down to do it real quick in between pasta stirs and I forgot. Nice! Oh, I remember!!

Finished My Sister's Keeper last night and I really liked this book. I found myself thinking about it a lot while I was not reading it. It got me right away, I was talking to the lady that let me borrow it and she said she couldn't read it because of the cancer issue. I was joking around with her when I said, "Thanks for giving me a book about a woman with a firefighter husband with two kids two years apart, one of which has leukemia, I appreciate that!" That's when she told me she didn't actually read it. Anyway, it was over 400 pages long and I read the last 100 pages last night (and yes, I made it to bed before 11) because I was at a point in the book that I knew I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head if I didn't finish it. My suggestion is to borrow it and read it if you haven't already or if you have the extra money go buy it. When I Googled the title for the picture I found that a movie will be released in June. I will make sure I see it, although the last book I read that was made into a movie I couldn't actually watch the movie because too many important things were left out of the movie that were vital to the plot.

Do you make to do lists? I have a friend from college that makes to do lists like no one I know, she had long term, short term, today, tomorrow, by the end of the week to do lists. I always thought she was crazy, I mean I make a to do list every now and then but I don't go crazy with multiples. Today I thought of my friend who goes nuts with her mounds and mounds of crazy to do lists. I wrote mine out today:

1. play with kids
2. do kids laundry
3. wash towels
4. move Andrew's closets around
5. empty & reload dishwasher
6. finish putting new pictures into new photo album (new...pictures from 2007 and album really is new)
7. finish book while sitting in a bath
8. go to bed early-before 11

See I learned something from my massive to do lister friend, you always include simple things that you KNOW you are going to do just so you can mark them off. So I included things I knew I would do-like right now I am running my bath water to finish my book.

Happy New Year!! I am not making any resolutions for 2009. I try not to make any future broken promises because I feel disappointed at the end of the year when I realize that I didn't meet any of my resolutions and frankly I have enough going on to worry about one more thing I didn't do. ;)

Here's to a great 2009!